Green: Stories from a Life Lived without Me
Driving down the lane They will feel the pain Putting up a shot My game is on fire, hot I chant the above—on a whim, mind you…improv style—and when I am done and thoroughly impressed with myself, Wally Ben rolls his eyes. “Good mom,” the sixth grade boy says. “Very good…,” he trails off as he clears his cereal bowl and heads downstairs to pack up. He is not as impressed as I am but very nicely…
The Soccer Mom: Notes from the Sidelines
We are driving to my son’s soccer game, and my husband eyes him in the rearview mirror. “How many goals are you going to score today?” he asks. He is doing what has become a bit of a pre-game motivating ritual. Usually the answer is bursting from Wally Ben’s lips before the question is done being asked. “2!” he might say. Or on an especially exciting day, maybe when breakfast has included some…
Stage Fright. On the importance of lightening up
I had to give a short announcement at my church the other morning. And I was terrified. I have been going on stages since I was 3. My mom was the choir director at the church I grew up in, and she had the genius idea to start a Cherub Choir. There were tens of little ones in our small Methodist church at the time, and, it being the 80s, I’m sure families with young ones had nothing to do but turn…
The Day in which the Bird from a 6 Year Old Was Acceptable
I am working at my computer at my new desk downstairs and the kids are playing behind me. Up until a few weeks prior, I had been working on the couch in the TV room, computer on my lap, back aching. When I worked there, the kids were constantly within an arm's reach. They were always quiet—at the threat of death-by-no-dessert—but I wanted a space that could be my own, where little kid skin wasn't…
One Way or Another: A Christmas Story
I went to pick Wally V up from his Sunday morning class after our church service last Sunday. “Do you want to go home and get ready?” I asked. He looked at me and burst into tears, “My head hurts!” he balled. I escorted him through the crowds and to the car, feeling like a bad mom for not having noticed he might be sick. You see, it was all working out perfectly, according to my plan. Husband…
Adventures in Nervous Twitches: Wally Takes the Stage
Last week I got a text from the Children's Pastor at our church. He was presenting a children's sermon at church that Sunday and wanted to interview a few kids during it. He wanted to know if Wally could be one of the kids. Wally would just have to answer a few questions about an experience he had setting up pads for the PADS ministry at our church. I read the text over and took a deep breath. I…
Why I Shouldn't Be Allowed to Watch My Son Play Soccer
For a moment today, I was in a public place, and I was jumping and screaming and clapping and I thought—what has gotten into me? And I'll tell you what. Park district kindergarten soccer. That's what. Before you think less of me, before you peg me as that mom, let me tell you. No one is considering myself "that mom" more than I am at this time. I never imagined myself to be jumping and screaming…
A Letter to My New Kindergartener
Dear Wally Ben, It's been 5 (and a half, as you'd say) years since you were just a little lump that was tossed up my way by the nurses and doctor. I remember kind of screaming in surprise (and I remember, a few days later, laughing so hard I peed my pants—not hard to do at that point in a mother's life—at your dad's impression of your little floppy body coming up my way). And now I am kind of…
Wally Takes on the High Dive: Lessons in Innocence
Yesterday Wally Ben broke my heart. He has no idea, and he did nothing wrong. In fact, if I hadn't been prompted by my husband the day before, it might have been just another day at the pool. But Husband Wally had to go and encourage a new lens to see the moment, and my heart cracked to pieces. Let me explain.
On Thinking Like a Child
Yesterday I woke up and went to the kitchen to make my coffee. We have a craft table in the kitchen, which I garbage picked a few months ago on a walk. (We were a few blocks away from home when I spotted it on the curb ready to make its trip to the landfill. I could hear the garbage truck a few blocks away. We live in a town where some people believe it is acceptable to throw away a…