I do not like the car. By Wally Ben

I like a lot of things. I like animal crackers. I like tails. I like clapping. I like fans, a lot. We don’t have any fans in my house, so when I’m at my grandparents, it is a real treat. I get to run from room to room and point at the fans. If I’m lucky someone will spin one for me, or turn one on. And then it goes around and around. It is really something.

But, like they say, black and white, yin and yang, ping and pong. I dislike things too. I do not like babies crying (although I do recall quite liking crying as a baby myself). I do not like meat. I do not like the blender. And I do not like car rides.

I get strapped in, and I get angry. I yell. I scream. I struggle. I sometimes play with toys, but once they get boring I throw the toys and scream again. Mom says we can’t walk most places, because it’s too far. (I’d at least like to try, but she’s against it and mumbles something about the 10 minute walks we already take from the parking spot to inside.) We can’t teleport. I guess we have to drive.

So I decided to try a few things. First I tried riding in the back of Grandpa’s truck. I laid down, but I couldn’t see anything. So I stood up, and my hair flew everywhere and my cheeks flapped in the wind. Just like in the cartoons. It was very windy. I decided I do not like the wind. I also decided I like hats.

Then I tried driving the car. I couldn’t reach the pedals, so I had to sit on Daddy’s lap. Bummer. No solo joy rides. I adjusted the radio to Wee Sing Toddler Tunes. My favorite song, the Itsy Bitsy Spider. Good riding tunes. Then I tried backing out. Then for some reason dad made me stop when I asked if the lanes were more of a suggestion than a rule. (On the plus side, in the one block I did drive, I learned what “whoopsie” meant, since we said it 4 times. I told him we’d put the mailbox and street sign and tree and little old lady back later.)

Finally mom told me to try teleporting. So I asked how do you teleport. And she said I should just close my eyes and try. And guess what, it worked! When I opened them, we were home.

Oh, I almost forgot. You probably know that I like exit signs. When we were in Panera, I was standing admiring a sign, and my Mama D told the lady sitting there that I like the signs. She said, “Someone’s got to like them.” So I say, someone’s got to dislike car rides. Why not me?