On being mommy

Well, Wally V is 2 weeks old, and I’m officially on my own during the day. Luckily for Wally IV, we are only a short walk from work, so he gets almost an hour with Wally Ben in the middle of his workday. Lucky for me, too, since I get a short break to shower if I haven’t had the chance yet.

Last week with Wally IV home, it was a lot different. Since he only got the one week off, he spent as much time with Wally as possible. In fact, aside from feedings (which is a lot of time, actually–30 minutes at least every two hours), Wally IV took care of and held and snuggled Wally Ben much of the time. I even started referring to myself as the Milk Monster, since if Wally Ben was with me he knew it was time to eat!

Being a mommy comes with such an odd mix of emotions all the time. Wally Ben was fussy a lot last week because we were trying to help him straighten out his days and nights, and so he lost sleep a lot of the day. He started to wail inconsolably a good part of the afternoon and evening, whenever he wasn’t feeding. So I came to fear his waking moments. Now we’ve got him deciding on his own when to wake, sleep, and eat, and he seems to be doing much better. But I still fret a little when he’s awake because I’m just waiting for that cry. And when he’s asleep during the day, I fret a little that he is getting too much sleep and won’t sleep at night. If you’re catching my drift, when he’s awake, I want him asleep and when he’s asleep I want him awake! It’s nuts!

Another odd feeling: I went to Target on my own for the first time last weekend while Wally IV watched Wally Ben. I went between feedings, so I had a good hour at least to drive the 10 minutes to the store, grab what I needed, and head back. I felt this strange mixture of relief to be out of the house and a longing to be back again. The further I got away, the more urgently I felt I needed to be home. By the time I got to Target, I ran through the store, grabbed the items on my list, and hightailed it out of there. I made it home, and the Wallys were still snuggling comfortably on the couch. But it felt good to be home to watch them both breathe.

It is also just odd, the different obstacles I have to tackle when I’m alone with him. He’s usually awake and pleasant after our first morning feeding, but needs a little entertainment to keep him happy. (A song and dance, a bouncy walk, a rattle show– I would love to see maternity leave moms on tape, as I’m sure more than just their babies would be entertained.) So I was amazed that my first obstacle was a pleasant baby vs. a full bladder. What to do? If I stopped the entertainment, I may end up with an unconsolable fusspot. The thought actually crossed my mind– can I hold it a few hours til Wally comes home? Times like these, enter bouncy chair. Or another 1-2 punch I discovered, the blow dryer (white noise)/swing combo. A lesson I learned from Wally IV last week: keep trying new things. Never give up. You will prevail, eventually! And if not, the milk monster can calm him down at the next feeding!