It’s no secret. Wally Ben is not the most peaceful of babies. People I run into ask me, “How’s Wally Ben?” and I want to answer, “Great! He’s amazing! The best-behaved baby on the block! I could write a book on how to have a perfect baby!” But alas, even though I firmly believe in my college English professor’s theory that you should never let the truth get in the way of a good story, I have to lean toward the truth. Which is that he’s a frequent crier, and so far has demanded a lot of our attention just toward keeping him from fussing.
This is difficult, as a new parent. I had always pictured the little baby in my belly would be a happy, pleasant little fellow. I pictured myself figuring out this parenting thing by practicing on a little lump who cooed and smiled and loved his swing, and enjoyed every book I read him from start to finish, and who played with me when he wasn’t eating or sleeping. The fussy baby would be that stranger’s baby. I just knew Wally V and I would stand in line at the grocery store, he would be laughing at the faces I made, and then we would look at the crying baby that was passing and shake our heads, “Poor baby. Poor mom. Colic. She should try eating less spicy foods! She should read my perfect baby book! Good thing we’re so happy!” (This vision is the opposite of what happened yesterday. Picture me, Target, dog food and baby in the cart, Wally wailing, me rocking forward and back frantically hoping the lady in front of us sympathizes enough to let me cut with my one item. She didn’t. _____! [Insert bad name here.])
Anyhow, much of the past 10 weeks has been devoted to theories, theories, theories. I’ve searched “Fussy Baby” and “Colic” so many times that I was surprised when they didn’t make the top 10 list of most searched words on Google for 2009. We tried gas drops, which didn’t help but made us feel like we were doing something. I gave up orange juice. (Strangely, that is the only thing I’ve been willing to drop from my diet. Apparently I’d rather drink milk and listen to him cry than give up the ol’ 2 percent.) We dressed him warmer. When he sweated, we dressed him cooler. We bounced him on the exercise ball. We carried him around in the Bjorn.
And I finally think I’ve pegged it. He had a great weekend at the beginning of December. We went away with Wally’s family, and I was certain it would shake up to be an interesting weekend, with many hands to help us calm the little guy. But Wally Ben showed a new pleasant side all weekend. To the point where I was glad Wally’s parents had witnessed his wails on earlier visits to help us attest that it was true, usually he cried a lot. He behaved that weekend like an angel baby. When he wasn’t sleeping. He napped the majority of both days.
A few weeks later, a lightbulb went off. Perhaps the little man needed more sleep! I looked up recommended or typical sleep patterns, only to find that he should be getting 7 hours during the day, and 8.5 at night. He usually got around 8 total at night (several stretches added together to 8), but only around 2 during the day. Our fussy baby was tired!
I think 7 is a little much to hope for, but since then we’ve been trying to get him to sleep at least 5 hours. So, he’s been slightly less fussy, because we have managed to get him to sleep through much of the fussy time.
The issue is, he fights sleep. Especially when he’s the most sleepy! So we really have to work hard to get the naps started. Our recent favorite has been putting him in his carseat and swinging him back and forth. And yes, this is every bit as painful to our backs as it sounds, and no, he won’t react to the swing the same way.
Issue number two is that I didn’t know how to put him down for a nap. In fact, I still don’t know! After my lightbulb moment, I looked up advice on napping. All the advice was, “Oh, I look for signs of tiredness, then put him down for a nap,” and “Oh, I put him down for a nap after he’s been up for 2 hours,” etc. But no one explained what “put him down” meant!
I would love to just put Wally Ben in his crib and have him fall asleep. So far, however, not happening. If I get him to sleep by bouncing him, then set him in the crib, his little arms flail, he hits himself in the face, and he wakes up. The longest nap this way has been 40 minutes, and these naps average about 20 minutes. He sleeps swaddled at night, but I hesitate to swaddle him during the day because I want him to learn to sleep unswaddled. Wally Ben has successful 2 hour naps either 1. resting on mom and dad or 2. strapped into his carseat.
Any advice from you moms and dads out there? Right now, as I write, he’s sleeping nestled against my belly. He’s been napping for 1 hour and 15 minutes this way so far. And I’m terrified to get up. To make any sudden movements. To ruin this great start to the day! Help me get him into his crib, please!
Something as expecting parents that we were not warned about: parenting is terrifying! This baby will scare you! This baby will make you watch the minutes on the clock tick by, and you will scream inside until the appropriate amount of time passes for a good nap!
But then, this baby will smile at you, sometime later in the day. And you will forget your terror. And you will forget about stresses of your job, and how messy the house is, and the poor state of the economy, and that you haven’t done this or that yet, and that the dog just ate a whole loaf of sourdough bread off the counter. (Very bad girl, Ellie!) That smile has magical powers to wipe all that away. To make it disappear, like a loaf of sourdough bread on a countertop. That smile will be your light. Your whole world. And a good world, at that.
A friend of mine told me about the E. A.S. Y Plan. It worked so wonderfully! E is for Eat (the baby, not you, unless your hungry also!), A is for activity (play an hour or so, S is for sleep (lay him down to fall asleep on his own, and Y is for time for Yourself! I’ve tried other successful things with my first two but my third was fussy. I’ve never had to schedule my babys before, but with a colicky baby it worked great!
“SwaddleMe” was a miracle product for Ellie!
I wish I had the answers for you. I want to help you so much and take the word “terrifying” away. Here’s my advice: Maybe you should swaddle him and put him in his crib when you know he’s tired, put on headphones so you can’t hear him cry, and see how long it takes to cry himself to sleep. It sounds mean, but you know he doesn’t need anything but sleep. If you want, I could be the mean Mama D and try this technique for you!! I soooo want you to enjoy little Wally Ben and motherhood every minute you can. You are such a wonderful new mother.
I think Mama D has a point! It does sound mean but I remember letting this very Mama D do a bit of crying a couple of times and then–suddenly quiet. They do get used to a routine quite early on and this nap all snuggled up on Mommy’s tummy is just too perfect to give up! A warm blanket to touch at nap time might help remind him that this is sleep time! Put the books away and follow your instincts–it will work!
Okay Mollie, i love reading your posts and I finally feel like I have some good advice for you. At least something that worked for us. Here is the secret trick that allowed me to get Owen to nap for more that for one to three hours at a crack. Without this special trick i would get 20 minutes TOPS. So i know you are on the edge of your seat waiting to hear what it is and it’s so simple. First when you are ready to put Wally down for a nap lay a nice warm blanket down and lay Wally on top of it. MAKE SURE blanket is under his head, then gently close the blanket around him. This is not a swaddle, just a blanket wrapped softly around him. Then you can rock him to sleep or whatever kind of tricks you have to do to get that little bugger into a deep sleep then lay him down WITH the blanket still wrapped losely around him. The most important part is the head so that he doesn’t feel the cold of his crib touching him. Even though he is not still in your arms don’t let him feel a temperature change. Then slowly put him down making the motion as calm and slow as possible, then hold your breath and tip toe away. With Owen I actually would snuggle him up ON a pillow. I will email you a picture so you can see what I am talking about. This works I swear, especially the pillow but ONLY for naps when you can peak in every few minutes to make sure he hasn’t moved off the pillow, once he gets big enough to get off the pillow you get rid of it. Owen spent MANY naps curled up like this both in his crib AND on the couch. Try just the blanket first and then if that doesn’t work lay one of your flattest pillows down and try laying him on there so his butt in on the crib mattress but his torso and upper body are on the pillow.
NO need for anyone to respond with a lecture on SIDS and using the pillow, i know it’s not recommended but Owen is alive and well and desperate times call for desperate measures!
Good luck Mollie!
Hi Mollie,
I just wanted to let you know that my Benjamin was the same completely fussy, cranky all the time baby. He is still really opinionated and gets cranky a lot at 17 months, but what worked for us to get him to sleep was the kiddopotomus swaddlers from babies R US. It was the only thing that worked and it worked like a charm. We swaddled him in those until he was 7 months old, our doctor told us that it was perfectly fine if that is what made him feel safe and comfortable, and then when he started to roll over we just moved the swaddle from around his arms to under his arms and finally he gave it up. I feel your pain with Wally but as our pediatrician kept saying “it does get better!”
do you have a swing? do they even make those anymore? one of my favorite memories is Carlton fast asleep in his swing, face planted on the tray in front of him, no pillow or anything soft for his head. It was a crank up style swing and I was afraid to crank it again and wake him up. It wasn’t a single occurrence, he liked the swing alot, so did we. Will Wally V take a pacifier? Joe’s soothers were his “blankiepa” translated: cloth diaper to hold and pacifier to suck. We would scatter several around his crib so if he lost it, he could find another and soothe himself back to sleep.
Oh sister, it’s easy! The only thing I have to do to get Earl to fall asleep is start talking to him about all the different things I like to eat with peanut butter. I mean think of all the possibilities! Apples, bananas, bread, pretzels, a spoon, toast, chocolate, peanut butter, butter, your fingers (a.k.a. peanut butter fingers)… the list just goes on and on! Sooner or later you’ll be so deep into thought that you won’t have noticed that he fell right asleep… and you know he won’t wake up because he’ll be dreaming about how good the milk will taste after you eat all this peanut butter. I’m going to be a good mom.
I love Liz.
I can sympathize…Evie was a fussy baby-she cried every day during “fussy time”. same kind of thing, she was just so tired that she was mad that she was tired!!!
vicious cirlces and all….but Cary wasn’t like that…he would only nap on a boppy on the couch…needed to be around the action. I swore by that boppy though. It would cuddle him like he was being held so he could relax. Have you tried Wally V on his belly yet? He seems to be peaceful in the pics on your belly? I know with SIDS they tell you not too, but if the pressure on his belly helps him relax, you could ask your doc. My friend had premie twins with reflux and colic problems…always cried at sleep time….but when she flipped them over onto their tummies they would do just fine, even at 3 months old…
hope any of this brings comfort…cuz i know how stressful “Fussy Time” can be!
oh, and don’t stress the swaddle…in your tummy it was a giant swaddle so the pressure of the swaddle is what he likes, so they say anyway. He’ll learn on his own to sleep unswaddled over time…until then, if it works for him, I say DO IT! He won’t be the only Kindergartner being swaddled at night…:)
I was never good at doing a swaddle, and cary never needed it, but Evie it would relax her somewhat. (until my horrible job of swaddling would fall off about mid-night.)
At first having that sweet little baby sleep on your chest is such a joy but… You do need a better routine. Sleeping on you is not good especially for you. Some one gave Ramona a book written by the Nanny from that TV show and there was some good advice in there about getting your baby to sleep alone. I’m not necessarily recommending this book nor do I know where Ramona got her advice on this issue, but it gave me the courage to do what Ramona had been asking me to do and that is lay David in his crib for his nap once I could see he was ready for a nap. So this is when I established a routine for ME. I read Good Night Moon turn on the sound machine, sing “LaLaLa” which is what the kids and I call “Lalaby” (sp), rock him in my arms for about a minute and then I say good night I’ll see you soon, have a nice nap, and I would lay him down walk away and close the door. It’s not easy Mollie he did cry but probably never more than 15 minutes. You just have to do it and let him cry and don’t go back in the room for 20 minutes. You know he can’t hurt himself in there. Each day will get easier and probably within let’s say 2 weeks he will be sleeping on his own.
Also I’m a fan of swaddling, for naps and bedtime and David slept in his carseat for almost a year because he had baby GERD. So it’s ok for Wallie to sleep in one to eventually he won’t need to. Hey and have your Mom come over once a week and you nap or go out and do something for your self. She might even do some light housework while she is there 😉 Love ya.
You guys are all awesome! Thanks for the tips, it will give me a lot to try. And I especially appreciate the swaddle comments…I’ve been trying the daytime swaddle and it’s been helping. In fact, he’s swaddled in his bassinet in the crib as I write! I haven’t been brave enough to try the cry it out yet, but I may sometime when Wally’s here over the weekend…Yipes!
Mollie-
Melissa is right- the eat, play, sleep pattern is super important! Need an awesome book- Healthy Sleep Habits; Happy Child by Dr. Marc Weissbluth (spelling??), it changed the way I did everything concerning my kids sleep. Ethan cried the first 5 months of his life- ugh. I know it had a lot to do with sleep.
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